Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
