Someone shit on the floor
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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