i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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