apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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