She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
