Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Randomize
