I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
