My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
