I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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