It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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