four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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