Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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