Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
