three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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