Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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