I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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