cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
