God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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