I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
