Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
