I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
