But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
