she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
