my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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