I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
