He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
