I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
