What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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