I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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