I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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