I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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