best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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