and you said cock pushups were impossible
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
