Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
