What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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