Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
