I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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