Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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