OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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