i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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