the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
