8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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