life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
