He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
