If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
