I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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