Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
