AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
