I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
