chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
