i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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