Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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