if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
