i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
