Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
