Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
